Spending two weeks in Los Angeles: what if the little things were just enough?
The glamorization of adulthood during our youth has made the post undergraduate experience feel somewhat lackluster. Many of us hope to make a difference, invent the next big thing, contribute to society in some grandiose way, or imagine some larger-than-life lifestyle for ourselves post college. But in reality, when we enter the workforce, assuming we are even able to get an interview for said workforce, no one tells us how bleak the day to day is. Leading many of us to seek this sense of purpose within our jobs or wanting our jobs to be meaningful in some way. And to be clear, there is nothing wrong with that. I think there is significance in working a job that fills your cup in some way shape or form. I say that as someone who has had the mentality of “I am my work, and my work is me”; meaning that if my work or job, does not shatter the earth in some way, then I do not have value. Furthermore, I think being in the environmental realm for my career only deepens my desire to make an impact with my career, considering we are in the midst of a climate crisis.
My time in California was the catalyst in all of this. I was fortunate enough to aid the EPA during the Phase 1 remediation of the Eaton and Palisades fires. Two weeks of ten to twelve hour days assessing homes for hazardous material removal. This was the sense of purpose and meaning I had yearned for ever since starting my new job. This was extremely fulfilling, in the sense that I was helping give back to a community that underwent such a horrific natural disaster. But now, just a month later, I have been in my office and once again, the job feels monotonous and unfulfilling. I was given a taste of “purpose” and now my desire for “something more” has only been heightened.
Fast forward a couple weeks, I received one of the most exciting emails any young scientist hopes for: my paper was published (which can be found here, if you care to read about paleohurricanes). One of my greatest accolades, my sense of purpose for years, finally published and it happened as I was running on the treadmill. There was no confetti, no big celebration via marching band that burst through the gym door to announce the publication. Just an email with a link, sent to me at 7:00 PM. All of that to say, there is no big life altering feeling that is to come, even after achieving such an accomplishment. However, this publication, naturally, reignited my interest in conducting research thus bringing the question back on the table of: should I go back for a PhD? If I am capable of continuing my education and have the ability to continue research, shouldn’t I?
But I believe that is the underlying issue here. The continued moving of the goalpost to replicate a high that is so fleeting, which can be so damning. This is not to say that I wasn’t proud of my accomplishment but was wanting more immediate career advancements whether they were research focused or to make my current job more impactful. To tie this in with my current job, I now, unsurprisingly, seek assignments that are going to give back to communities or will have significant impacts in taking care of the environment. I feel a sense of disappointment in myself because I wanted to be in this field to make a difference, but it just feels like I can’t within my career at this moment in time. However, seeking such large and ambitious desires in your career, especially in your 20s, can be so detrimental to enjoying the smaller moments. Perhaps this desire for rapid career advancement is rooted in the fact that we, or I, seek instant gratification as of late, which for me, is ironic. Primarily considering I spent years of my life attempting to publish a scientific paper and I am just now seeing the fruits of my labor.
This is not to say to have career goals, but rather to not get so caught up in it. There is a clear distinction in being driven and multifaceted vs. not having any career goals; and that I think is the line that I personally need to thread to navigate my identity. Take advantage of the little moments, outside of your career. Enjoy the comfort of the unknown and as one of my dearest friends said, stop forcing doors open and just let the process happen. Good things will come in time, you just have to let them. Or maybe, these huge, larger than life events that we seek, are rooted in the day to day
